Annotations to Sam Cooke’s “Having a Party” That I’m Using to Announce My Totally Chill, No Fuss Wedding
We’re havin’ a party
And you’re invited! This “wedding” (I know, eyeroll), is just going to be an intimate gathering of our favorite secular friends and family born after the year 1982 who live in coastal cities.
The Coke’s out in the icebox
Popcorn’s on the table
It’s so 2014 to serve a couple’s cocktail, right? We’ve decided to skip the whole cocktail hour charade and cut to what really gets people dancing, designer drugs. Dinner will be a flight of stillborn popcorn kernels to remind everyone of the fragility of marriage and to bring some much needed seriousness to a night of indulgent levity
Me and my baby
We’re out here on the floor
Dan and I will be sitting at a table nailed to the center of the dance floor the entire reception because this is our day and we are the stars in the center of this decommissioned airplane hangar.
We believe in the sanctity of marriage (obvi, we’re getting hitched!), but we also find carnival rides, infidelity and puns intoxicating! Throughout the night, we encourage you to sneak away with someone else’s partner and go for a ride in the gigantic carnival swings we 100% do not regret renting.
If you take requests I’ve
Got a few for you
Have a song you want our DJ to play? Write it on the back of this invite in the space we created solely to make you think any part of this is yours. It’s not.
Don’t forget the mashed potatoes
No other songs will do
Are you ready for the most inclusive wedding you’ve ever been to?! We’ll exclusively be playing Dee Sharp’s classic 1962 hit, “Mashed Potato Time,” on loop so that no one has to feel bad about being a “bad” dancer. Everyone looks cool when they’re mashing! Note: Dan and I will not be dancing. We find ritualistic group gyrations repulsive.
’Cause I’m a-havin’ such a good time
Dancin’ with my baby
Again: Dan and I will not be dancing. We request you not attempt to lure us from our safe table.
Dancin’ to the music, yeah
Look, we’re sure everyone is going to look amazing dancing to the music, but for us, personally, it doesn’t feel authentic. I don’t know how else I can say, “it doesn’t poll well with our followers.”
On the radio
We are going to close out the night with an old-timey faux radio dedication from the newlyweds to all our guests. You’ll have to stick around until the bitter end to hear our special message to you! Bring your tissues because this is a manufactured moment of unearned sentiment you will not want to miss.