SATIRE

Are You Trying To Escape Reality By Watching TV? Tough Shit, Here’s Our Coronavirus Commercial

Sarah James
Apr 23, 2020 · 2 min read
Photo by Tabea Damm on Unsplash

Life’s hard right now, and we here at CarBrand understand that all you want to do at the end of another stressful day is kick back, throw on your favorite mindless sitcom, and escape your many problems. But our new coronavirus-themed commercial is not going to let you do that. Tough shit!

You’re dealing with a lot these days: stress, anxiety, depression, panic attacks, insomnia, illness, job loss, loneliness. But we’re dealing with slightly fewer people buying cars than they used to. So you’re gonna have to suck your shit up.

We get it. The world looks a little different now. Just to be clear, that hilarious episode of Brooklyn Nine-Nine you were just watching, where people were going to work and falling in love and not googling things like “itchy arm coronavirus symptom” — we mean the world looks different from that. In case you missed that, we said A HORRIFIC VIRUS HAS IRREVOCABLY CHANGED THE WORLD YOU LOVED. Oh, does that reminder make you sad? Nut up, we’ve got Chevy Tahoes to sell!

Remember three weeks ago when you tweeted how weird it was to see commercials where people were going out and doing things? We bet now you would give anything to have those regular commercials back, so you could pretend for one brief half hour out of every godforsaken miserable day that things are normal. Too bad! We’ve got a brand image that we need to pay some meaningless lip service to at the expense of your emotional health. Them’s the breaks, kiddo.

Did us saying “we’re here for you,” just now remind you of all the people you cannot physically be there for right now? Whoops.

Couldn’t we have taken the money we spent producing this ad about how much we care about our the health of our employees and put it toward buying PPE for them or increasing their allotted paid sick leave? Maybe — but then what would we do with all this sad piano music? In these trying times, maybe you should consider growing a pair.

But don’t worry. If our coronavirus commercial makes it impossible for you to escape your emotional hellhole by watching TV, and you need to deal with your stress by impulse purchasing a new or certified pre-owned car, truck, or SUV… we’re here for you.

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