As A Professional Baseball Player, I Refuse To Get Vaccinated To Save Lives, But For A Shot At The Playoffs… I’ll Consider It
“We’ll see what happens,” he said. “If the situation calls for it, maybe.”
— Detroit Free Press
I’m a ballplayer. I like simple things. The crack of the bat on a cool summer’s night, the sound of the hot dog man peddling franks, and the collective sound of thousands upon thousands singing “Take me out to the ballgame.” So as a ballplayer and representative of America’s pastime, I feel it is my duty to exercise the most basic and simple of American rights: freedom. And just as you’ve been free to wear masks, get vaccinated, and generally act like you care about the future of our great nation, I’ve been free to do the exact opposite. But before you come down too hard on me, understand this: I’ve done the research, I’ve listened to the experts, and ultimately I’ve decided the vaccine is not for me. Unless, that is, a playoff team decides to trade for me, in which case, the vaccine is very much for me.