At the End of This Haircut I Want to Look Exactly Like Michael B. Jordan in Black Panther

You said last time to bring a photo, so I did. This is a Polaroid I took during the movie Black Panther. I figured it would help if you had something physical to reference.

At the end of this haircut I want to look exactly like Michael B. Jordan in Black Panther. I know you can do it. This is an expensive salon. The guy who was walking out when I came in looked just like Ryan Gosling.

That was Ryan Gosling? I thought he looked a little flabby, but maybe everyone looks a little flabby after watching Michael B. Jordan’s pectoral muscles flex about in the 2018 box-office hit, Black Panther.

I’m aware that one thing distinguishing me from M.B.J. is a lack of any muscle definition whatsoever. Fortunately, this custom-made Black Panther suit helps disguise that.

I also tried pricking my skin with a hot needle to imitate Erik Killmonger’s scars, but I don’t like blood, or scars for that matter, and needles kind of scare me, so actually I didn’t try that at all.

Another thing that makes me not look like Mikey B. is my height. I’m 5’3. Mikey is about 6'10, probably. But if this haircut goes the way I expect it to, no one’s going to care how tall I am because in all other respects I’ll look just like the antagonist from the greatest Marvel superhero film in cinema history.

With the exception of being white, the biggest thing that makes me not look like the child-model-turned-teen-actor-turned-Herculean-God-of-Sex is my hair. Premature balding is going to make this transformation tricky.

My hair has also always been this red and curly. However, with a little dye, it should be long enough to be braided and combed over so that it exactly resembles the most tragically flawed and untragically body-sculpted supervillain of 2018.

I understand that looking the part isn’t enough. I’ll have to also act the part. I already have the voice down. Do you want to hear it?

“I killed a thousand enemy soldiers. Look at my scaaars.”

I don’t have the scars. But that’s something he would say.

You have the Polaroid, right? Oh, it’s right on the shelf there. Face-down. Do you mind if we turn it over? I don’t mean to be pushy, but I’ll feel a lot better if you reference it carefully and often.

If this doesn’t work out, I’m just going to go ahead and get a custom Black Panther helmet.