Blowout Sale For My Organs!
Offer valid while limited supplies last.
POSTED 15 DAYS AGO
Blowout Sale For My Organs (New York, NY)
Hi Craigslist Community,
If you’re reading this post, it means my organs are still for sale! They’re in excellent condition (according to my doctor, who strongly advised me against doing this), and I’m offering them way below black market value. Seriously, you will not find organs this cheap anywhere else!
You might be questioning why anyone, especially a gainfully employed teacher like myself, would be selling her innards for a price this good. Let me assure you: it’s not a scam! Cashing in on my treasure trove of body parts is simply the safest bet for me to pay off my Master’s in Education, and for you to get an incredible deal. Pricing below:
- Spleen ($15,000): Would look great inside your ribs. Needs to be picked up by SUNDAY!
- Colon ($12,000): Approximately 5’ x 3”. Can send X-rays and more sizing info if needed!
- Ovaries ($5,000 each/$7,000 for a pair): Still work great, but I no longer have eggs since I sold them all to pay for my undergraduate degree.
****Cash or Venmo accepted, but PLEASE remember to bring your own materials to disembowel me at pick up!!
POSTED 8 DAYS AGO
Blowout Sale For My Organs — New Organs Added!! (New York, NY)
Hello Craigslisters,
I’m back with several new organs for sale! The non-vital organs sold out quickly (thank you A.Hammer@gmail.com!), but there are still plenty of appendages and semi-essential organs:
- Fingers ($350 each): Can be French manicured for an additional $50.
- Toes ($100 each): BOGO free!! Looking to sell these ASAP.
- Kidney ($700 OBO): Serious inquiries only. My cousin in the ICU tried to lowball me recently.
****I’m now disemboweling myself for an additional $1,000 fee.
****For non-organ items for sale, please check out my other listings by clicking the “more ads by this user” button. There’s a link to “Teacher Trunks,” my Etsy shop for sweaty underwear, along with my shops for used socks, bras, and tissues. I’m also selling my grad school textbooks and framed degrees, which will be burned soon if not purchased, so please submit an offer!
POSTED 5 DAYS AGO
Blowout Sale For My Organs — More Organs + My Mom’s Organs! (New York, NY)
Hi CL,
Can you believe I’m typing this with two fingers? That means I still have two whole fingers for sale in near-perfect condition (bloodstains will be removed prior to pick up!). I’m very close to paying off my student loans, with zero federal assistance or breaks from my provider. I’m also running out of organs, so there’s not much time left to get high-quality body parts at this price:
- Liver ($20): Reduced price due to some noticeable alcohol damage.
- My Left Leg ($500): A true statement piece. Can’t believe I’m letting this go!
- My Mom’s Stomach ($250 OBO): Please notify us one hour before your arrival, so she can have her last meal.
****All organs need to be picked up sometime THIS WEEK between the hours of 10 PM and 1 AM when I’m not teaching, lesson planning, working as a Starbucks barista, TaskRabitting, Uber driving, or exercising in new pairs of underwear to prepare for my Etsy customers.
****Currently ISO part-time work between the hours of 10 PM and midnight. Contact me with leads!
POSTED 1 DAY AGO
Blowout Sale For My Organs — EVERYTHING MUST GO! (New York, NY)
Last call, Craigslist!
I’m about to make the final payment on my student loans! Even though I can no longer use my degree to help children since I’m “morbidly disfigured” and “scaring the students,” it still feels amazing to know I didn’t need any form of loan forgiveness to become debt-free. Eighteen-year-old me, with all those extra organs and dreams of making a difference, would be so proud of where I am today: teaching history lessons to my Uber customers to distract them from the fact that I only have one finger.
Anyways, I know you’re here for the final sale items, which of course includes an organ as well as some other items I won’t be needing anymore:
- Appendix ($75 OBO): Really wish I had remembered this before I sold my leg.
- Mirrors ($10): Looking to get rid of all of these!
- How To Disembowel Yourself: A Beginner’s Guide ($5): Lightly used with minor stains.
That’s it for now! Please don’t forget to check out my OnlyFans account, where I’ll be starting day one of my savings journey so I can finally move out of my parents’ basement and start applying to Ph.D. programs. Wish me luck!
