Can You Read My Screenplay, God?

Dear Father in Heaven,

I’m not a praying man, but if You’re up there, and You can hear me, can You please read my screenplay? That would really mean a lot. “Caesar of the Beach” is the first script I’ve actually finished, and I’m afraid to show it to my friends before I do a second draft. So it really needs an outside critical eye, Lord, and You’ve got a unique perspective.

I know, I know. You’ve seen it all. To quote Your book, “there’s nothing new under the Sun.” But, hey, we still gotta make art anyway, right? You wouldn’t have made me like making art for no reason, right? So even though what has been will be again, and what has been done will be done again, here I am still: a guy with an urge to Create. Sound familiar?

The logline, O Mighty Creator, is this: Julius Ceasar finds himself in Carmel, California, where falls in love with the mayor, and has to decide between returning to set history right or staying in Carmel with his new love. Pretty neat, huh? I mean, OK, sure, it sounds kind of “Kate & Leopold”-y, but the ending is totally different! Plus, it’s got a lot of political commentary about America & Rome, which “Kate & Leopold” doesn’t. So it’s not a ripoff, Heavenly Father!

You might take issue with the time travel, which You seem to have made impossible, thus it kinda defies Your will to depict it. Think, though: You also didn’t seem to want us to fly, nor to be able to melt the world down, and we figured both of those out! We’ve also got tons of avarice, coveting, & violent hatred worldwide, all of which You said were no-nos, so maybe time travel stuff is OK in movies? Let me know in Your notes.

Thinking about it now, we do have an awful lot of avarice, coveting, & violence down here. People definitely pray about that stuff, right? They must. But, it’s still everywhere, all the time. It’s even getting worse in some places. Now I’m starting to worry You won’t actually read “Ceasar of the Beach,” Lord. Could You give me some kind of sign, one way or the other? Please, God, hear my prayer, and read “Ceasar of the Beach.” Otherwise, I’ll have to suck it up, and pay a stranger from The Black List to do it, and you have not blessed me with a ton of cash.

Amen.