Candy Hearts For Married Couples

‘Til death (or snoring) do us part

Anna Jadow
Slackjaw

--

Pexels/Anna Jadow

Still in love after all these years (and years)

Snoring is sexy

I took out the trash before you asked

I need you more than you need Lactaid pills

Relax! I mean, how can I help?

I put the toilet seat down for you

The way you chew is endearing

I told my mom to stop criticizing your cooking

I will clean the dog’s puke this time

You can set the thermostat to 55 (who needs toes, anyway?)

I snaked the shower drain

Go ahead and panic over things that haven’t happened yet

I’ll try harder to hear the baby crying at night

You can use my Peloton profile (once)

Here’s a wig I made from your beard clippings

I put my clothes IN the hamper

I love your vegan, gluten-free, low-acid, low salt cooking

I will leave you alone while you sit on the toilet for absolutely no discernible reason

There’s no one I would rather work from home with for 1,065 days, 15 hours and seven minutes

Can’t wait to tolerate the shit out of you later

It’s just you and me (and your borderline personality disorder) forever

I’m building us separate sinks

And separate bathrooms

Separate bedrooms?

Follow Slackjaw on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

--

--

Anna Jadow
Slackjaw

I say things 🙈 Words in HuffPost, The Belladonna Comedy, Little Old Lady, MuddyUm, Frazzled, The Haven, Scary Mommy, Sammiches