Cap’n Peril’s Pirate Pizza Parlor AND SHOOTIN’ RANGE Updated Parrrty Waiver
AHOY!! Welcome to Cap’n Peril’s Pirate Pizza Parlor*, a place for celebratin’ danger! Where ye be findin’ over 10,000 square feet of inflatable pirate ship merrymakin’, accompanied by mouth-waterin’ pizza! ARRRR!!! Since new gun-friendly decrees allowed us to add a shootin’ range onsite, we bin makin’ some changes, and changes to our waiverr be in ALL CAPS, mateys! We never bin a sword-free zone, and now we’ll never be a gun-free zone, ye lily livers! So if it’s a pirate’s life for ye, or at least so for a couple o’ hours to celebrate your Sprog’s event, ready yer quill AND YER PISTOL!!
1. SCURRRVY AND SUCH: As a parent/guardian of a Sprog in this activity, I be acknowledgin’ that Cap’n Peril’s pizza has no nutritional value, and repeated ingestin’ may result in scurrrvy. Also, in keepin’ with authentic pirate grog choices, thar be no water served, only rum!!! I bin advised of the risk of poor judgment resultin’ from side effects of scurrrvy and/or drunkenness, and the added danger of weapons allowed on site, such as swords AND GUNS.
2. MUTINY WARRRNING!: If me Sprog is prone to swashbucklin’ or mutinous behavior, ‘twill not be tolerated. Cap’n Peril’s reserves the right to remove me Sprog from the parrrty and subject him/her to the cat o’ nine tails or a walk on the plank. (No refunds will be issued for l’il sons of biscuits leavin’ the parrrty early via plank!). I also be understandin’ that if me Sprog stabs OR SHOOTS any of Cap’n Peril’s squadron of inflatable ships I am liable for damage/loss to the arrrmada!!! If unable to pay, I understand me own Sprog may be taken from me arms to toil a scallywag’s life on the seas/indoor pond, OR IF ME GUN IS DEEMED MORE DESIRABLE BY CAP’N PERIL HIMSELF, ME OWN GUN MAY BE TAKEN FROM ME HOLSTER.
3. SPROG RRRETRIEVAL: I agree to pick up me Sprog within 15 minutes of parrrty completion. If not, I be agreein’ to be fined 50 doubloons OR TRADE ME GUN FOR ME SPROG.
4. RRRISK, ARRR!: I see that thar be certain risks of physical harm to me Sprog and I agree to assume the full risk of any such harm sustained as a result of participatin’ in parrrty activities. I thar-by fully release and discharge Cap’n Peril’s from any claims from harm incurred by me Sprog because of parrrty participatin.’ Harm be includin’ but not limited to: eye stabbin’, leg maimin’, FACIAL WOUNDIN’ FROM BULLET GRAZIN’, rib splinterin’, neck crackin’, HEARIN’ LOSS FROM FIREARM NOISE, parrot bitin’, water drownin’, SHRAPNEL INJURIN’, and death.
5. INJURRRRY, CARE, AND BURRRIAL: I thar-by grant my consent for Cap’n Peril’s, in the event of the bad luck of a sudden accident, to be takin’ whatever medical procedures necessary for the care of me Sprog — whether it be slappin’ on a pirate band-aid, or givin’ medical treatment such as eye extractin’ and patch fittin’, sword laceration stitchin’, hook-to-arm weldin’, BLOOD TRANSFUSIN’ DUE TO SIGNIFICANT LOSS, wooden leg fittin’ or BULLET REMOVIN’. I be givin’ authority to any Onsite Buccaneer Doctor to render immediate emergency aid as required for me Sprog’s survival. I be understandin’ that all expenses of this service be accepted by me. I be acknowledgin’ that Cap’n Peril’s be offerin’ no medical insurance, and providin’ no 21st century medical trainin’ to Onsite Buccaneer Doctors.
In the event of instant death of me Sprog by fall off inflatable ship, or sword OR GUNSHOT wound, OR INABILITY OF ONSITE BUCCANEER DOCTOR TO REMOVE A BULLET IN ME SPROG’S BODY OR TRANSFUSE ADEQUATE BLOOD, I be authorizin’ Cap’n Peril’s to perform an onsite burrrial, in accordance with pirate customs such as throwin’ me Sprog’s body overboard into the “ocean”, AKA indoor pond, AKA Davy Jones’ Locker. I relinquish any claims to me Sprog’s bones and allow Cap’n Peril’s to display the bones as outdoor sign decoration, NEXT TO THE RESIN PIRATE SCROLLS THAT SAY, “YER GUNS BE WELCOME, ME HEARTIES!!.”
X_________________Aye, I Be Consentin’ (Signature of Parent/Guardian of Sprog)
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