- Is very vocal when they disapprove of something you’ve done.
- Eats meals at weird hours.
- Judges you for being out of the house for too long.
- Has never liked a single one of your friends or significant others.
- Demands to spend time with you at the most inconvenient times.
- Brings you presents you didn’t ask for.
- Has a long and complicated personal grooming regimen.
- Shows their affection in bizarre and often counterintuitive ways.
- Never lets you sleep in.
- Has no idea what queer feminist theory is and, quite frankly, doesn’t care.
- Is not about to change their routine no matter how hard you try to convince them.
- Is obsessed with birds for some reason.
- Never uses any of the presents you get them.
- If left alone in your house, they will rearrange your things.
- At the end of the day, you still love them, even if they sometimes drive you crazy.
Your Mother: 1–15
Still not sure what you’ve been feeding twice a day?