CBS To Young Sheldon-ize Entire Primetime Schedule

In light of the phenomenal ratings pulled in by Big Bang Theory spin-off Young Sheldon last week (Nielsen estimates 17.2 million viewers tuned in and that 124 of them will admit it to their friends), CBS is mining past and present properties in hopes of similar success.

Obviously, Monday will remain anchored by The Big Bang Theory and Young Sheldon, and it probably comes as no surprise that the Tuesday through Sunday 8pm time slot will now feature Young Leonard, Penny, Howard, Bernadette, Raj, and Amy.

But the eyeball network is hardly stopping there. Leaked TV Guide listings reveal further insight into their lineup tinkering…

Survivor Junior (Wednesday, 9:00pm) — Tonight’s immunity challenge is a true test of endurance — the fourteen remaining 6-year-olds each get to enjoy a gallon of their favorite Kool-Aid before being ushered into a super-deluxe carnival bounce house. Nothing could be better… except maybe a bathroom! Who will be the only one at tribal council with dry pants? Urine for a wild time!

Little Miss Mary Tyler Moore Show (Sunday, 8:30pm) — Mary begs her parents to move from suburban Minneapolis to the city after getting her hat caught in a tree for the thirty-second time.

Young Hawkeye (Saturday, 8:30pm) — The future M*A*S*H* surgeon’s plan to “play doctor” with the girl next door goes awry when natural adolescent curiosity somehow results in the inadvertent removal of Beatrice’s spleen.

Little Big Brother (Tuesday, 9:00pm) — (Premiere) Sixteen fourth-graders from all walks of Miss O’Bannon’s social studies class have to coexist in the gymnasium for a full week. Tonight, the kids learn the need to master both physical and emotional dodgeball. Prepare for short tempers, hurt feelings, and thrown tantrums — close your eyes and you’ll swear you’re watching the original!

The Late Late (If You’re Eight) Show (Friday, 10:00pm) — We wrap up our third straight week of Car Seat Karaoke!

Prince of Queens (Tuesday, 8:30pm) — Doug spends the entirety of the 8th grade Fall Dance polishing off a 12-pack of Twinkies cleverly concealed throughout his suit while complaining that his chubbiness is keeping the girls away. Naturally, this self-loathing charms the cutest girl in class into going steady with him.

Everybody Loves Young Raymond (Friday, 8:30pm) — Ray is annoyed with his mother.

Fuhrer, She Wrote (Saturday, 9:00pm) — Having established herself undercover as Hitler’s biographer, 28-year-old Jessica Fletcher spends a day listening to Adolph recount how he and Eva Braun “met cute,” and a night taking out and disposing of six Nazi guards who stumble upon her sabotaging the bay doors on a fleet of Heinkle He-111 bombers.

The Young Dick Van Dyke Show (Monday, 9:00pm) — Robbie Petrie gets ratted out for writing jokes on the bathroom wall at school. On his way to see the Vice-Principal (Rose Marie), he comically trips over his lunch box, a piece of gum, and a perfectly flat tile floor.

Relatively Young Matlock (Sunday, 9:00pm) — We peek in on Ben Matlock twenty years before the original series. Tonight, Ben debates whether he is defending a guilty client and, more importantly, whether he should take advantage of the 401k “catch-up” contributions available to fifty-year-olds.

One Young Broke Girl (Friday, 9:30pm) — While Caroline will be living in luxury for the next fifteen years, 10-year-old Max tries to help out at home by opening a lemonade stand. Day one gets off to a great start, but maybe too great when she quickly runs out of lemons. Her customers — and her mother! — turn irate when Max substitutes mom’s favorite, special-occasion-only Eau de Lemon perfume. Eau-eau!

Pee Wee Thursday Night Football (Thursday, 8:30pm)— All the sloppy, substandard play of NFL Thursday Night Football! And in this special crossover episode, Young Howard Wolowitz joins the Pasadena Pirates! Howard only went to the game to try to get a cheerleader to talk to him, but he ends up at quarterback! We’re not sure what crazy set of circumstances leads to this — we barely have half an outline done since one writers room is suddenly pumping out about twenty-three shows for this new fall lineup, not that anyone cares! Anyhow, Howard will likely wind up with multiple rib fractures, but he won’t be the only one clutching his sides as you howl with laughter!

Of course, you can only get so many shows into production on such short notice, so keep an eye out in January for mid-season replacements CSI: Recess and The Beverly Hillbabies.