Cinderella But Gordon Ramsay Is The Fairy Godmother

Disney’s next live-action remake.

Cinderalla (Disney — Fair Use) Edited by the author.

Cinderella runs out to the garden, sobbing.

CINDERELLA: It’s just no use, there’s nothing left to believe in.

Sparkly dust gathers in front of Cinderella. Gordon materializes from the dust.

GORDON: Best believe you look like you just crawled out of a sewer’s arsehole.

Cinderella cries even harder.

CINDERELLA: Oh, my. I know I do. I look awful. I can’t go to the ball looking like this.

GORDON: You shouldn’t be anywhere looking like that.

CINDERELLA: Can’t you grant wishes or perform miracles or do something to help me?

GORDON: Trust me, it’s gonna take a fucking miracle to get you ready to go anywhere.

Gordon looks over and sees the mice.

Cinderella (Disney — Fair Use) Edited by the author.

GORDON: Are these rats? What is this, a fucking refugee camp? For Christ’s sake. Listen, you teary fuck, I’ll help you get ready for the ball as long as it means I can get out of here.