Citations Issued By The Office Grammar Police

For offensive misuse of the English language

Photo by Tingey Injury Law Firm on Unsplash

Offense: An email containing, “Thanks for excepting me into this group.”

Citation given to: Donna from HR

Donna,

Your acceptance into the office book club was contingent on your presumed ability to read and write. You must accept that such a grievous misuse of the English language has necessitated your removal from this elite lunchtime group.

We can accept many mistakes from our readers, except this one.

You must accept that for next Thursday’s meeting, we will all gather to enjoy an ice cream social and discuss the last chapter of The Great Gatsby, except you.

Offense: Sending an email with the subject line, “Its the first day of spring.”

Citation given to: Mark from Accounting

Mark,

Whose spring is it? The sun’s? I didn’t know this season was owned. I mean I didn’t think it was mine. But I also didn’t know it belonged to an entity or object of some kind. If I did, I’d guess it belonged to Earth, but for the fact that…