Classic Stories And Songs To Teach Kids That Dental And Vision Are Not Included

Break the news to them with these beloved tales.

Little Red Riding Hood

All illustrations by author

“What big eyes you have!” said Little Red Riding Hood.

“The better to see you with my dear,” replied the Wolf. “No, seriously,” he continued. “I couldn’t see very well because I hadn’t been able to get my prescriptions checked for years. But I think Grannie’s, ahem, these glasses are actually perfect for me.”

“Okay…” said Little Red Riding Hood, stepping a little closer. “And what, ugh gross teeth you have.”

“Yeah, I have terrible gingivitis, my teeth are rotting out, and I can’t afford to go to the dentist. ”

And then, because he wouldn’t be able to chew her, the Wolf pureed Little Red Riding Hood into a shake using Grannie’s Vitamix and drank her up.

Head and Shoulders, Knees and Toes

Head and shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes.