Crowded Nest: Wine for Parents with a 30-Year-Old in Their Basement
It’s been a long journey. You built a life, forged a career, and brought up a family you can be proud of, mostly. Now that your autumn years are here, it’s time to relax and let everything slow down. It’s time for you. Catch up on all those books you’ve meant to read, take up a few hobbies, and forgive yourself for raising a 30-year-old who still lives in your basement.
Featuring two relaxing varietals, Bitcoin isn’t a Plan Pinot Noir and It Smells Like Weed a Lot Down There Zinfandel, Crowded Nest wines are crafted to pair perfectly with the frustrations of housing an adult who’s “still figuring themselves out.”
The Bitcoin isn’t a Plan Pinot Noir is fruit-forward. Sweet fragaria vesca (strawberries) echo the human potential that’s constantly wasted on Fortnite, while bitter, earthy notes of leather remind you that the neighbor’s kids are lawyers. Perfect for sitting and ruminating.
The candied It Smells Like Weed a Lot Down There Zinfandel features notes of plum, licorice, and 21% ABV. This wine is so potent you’ll not only cease to be angry that they (most likely a son, let’s face it) won’t get a job, you’ll actually stop caring about all the porn you’re forced to overhear at 2:00 p.m. Pairs well with pasta.
Crowded Nest is for you, the parent that oversaw the creation of a train wreck. That’s why both varietals are available to be shipped disguised as laundry detergent, ensuring your ne’er-do-well roommate never goes near them. Sip and savor in peace as you daydream about never having kids in the first place.
At Crowded Nest, our mission is to provide our customers with robust and delightful wines, offering peace of mind and comforting numbness to the constant refrain of “How much is my inheritance going to be?” We have taken all our parental self-doubt and channeled it into two wines that entirely understand what you’re going through. Whether you’re still in denial about your child’s stagnation, or are simply past the point of being able to care, our goal is for you to see Crowded Nest as the one thing in your life that does what it promises to do: help you die sooner.
