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Dear Mr. Hannula,

As president of the Listicle Writers of America, a trade organization dedicated to the promotion and advancement of blogging’s best loved art form, I’m pleased to inform you of your acceptance into our organization based upon the submission of your article, “Signs of the Apocalypse.” You will receive all of the following benefits if you choose to join us by filling out the attached membership card and depositing 25 bitcoins in our Nigerian bank account.

  1. Access to the “library of listicles” behind the paywall at our “under construction” wix website.
  2. Our bi-monthly newsletter, The Listicle of Listicles. Our lawyers have asked me to mention that when I say “newsletter”, I mean e-mail.
  3. Automatic entrance and consideration for our annual awards show, The Listees.
  4. 20% off testicular cancer screenings if done at a Rapid Access Medical Mall (the ones in the old Olive Garden buildings)
  5. A .pdf of my book, A List is a Medieval Jousting Tournament, A Listicle is Art
  6. A free downloadable Listicle emoji currently still being developed. We told the artist… who, get this, is an undergrad at SVA and will do this for free as part of her capstone project… we told her, “something as cool as the taco, but that indicates Listicle.” I also told her I wanted it to be “cute, but not too Japanese.”

With all of these great benefits, I hope you will consider filling out your card, Mr. Hannula. I look forward to preserving, maintaining, expanding, and refining this, our most modern of literary genres, with you. Remember our motto, “The great listicles of the past are but the foundation for the greater listicles of the future.”

Yours in eight,