Deepfake Me Is Better Than Me Me
My digital twin is a superstar, baby
PRESS RELEASE
Today, after 55 years, I announce my retirement from show business, which consists of exactly one on-screen credit, Cop #3 on Episode 10 of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (2000). Based on that performance, I have sold the rights to my face to a deepfake company, giving them permission to make a digital twin of my likeness.
And by “likeness,” obviously I mean a younger, vastly better-looking me minus the sad eye bags and weird clumps of ear hair. Imagine, an impersonal wad of code based on maybe 40% of my actual appearance providing the digital clay used to mold thrilling fake stories that will be cherished for fake generations to come.
In real life, my tiny attention span, exaggerated sighs, and long stretches of silent pouting make me unsuited for all but the most specialized roles. Digital me, however? Relatable. Fun. Have-a-beer-with-able. I believe I can become a truly great actor as long as that actor in no way resembles me.
For carbon-based me, climbing the smallest incline triggers wheezing spasms, but programmers assure me my digital twin, T. Kent II, combines the fleet footwork of Jackie Chan with the hulking smolder of Jason Momoa.
