Ebenezer Scrooge Writes Holiday Bonus Cards To His East Side Co-op’s Building Staff
Merry whatever, I’m not even sure we’ve met
Dear Chad (Doorman Compelled To Make Small-talk),
Merry Chri — humbug, I can’t even write the phrase with a straight face. Once again I’m forced to hand out these obligatory cards to you building staffers, the ones listed on the cheerful piece of paper someone shoved under my door. Worse, I’m to fill each card with cash — a bonus, they call it. I say humbug to bonuses! Every one of you is already adequately compensated with a fair salary. All right Chatty Chad, here’s $2: one for this year, one for next. Scrooge — 12C
Dear Frank (Doorman Who Minds His Own Business),
You are, as always, a year older and not an hour richer, but you’re a conservative, a rarity around here. Plus, you mind your own business. Keep up the good work, spend this $10 on liquor, and ‘let’s go Brandon’. Ebenezer S — 12C
Dear LaMona (Female Doorman),
In my day women stayed home and raised children, they didn’t spend their afternoons wrestling with Amazon boxes. Use this $3 to change your hair color from flamingo-pink back to funereal black. This is a residential building, not Studio 54. Mr. Scrooge — 12C
