Eulogy for an iPhone Who Died with All Its Original Parts

Thank you all for being here today. It means so much to me that many of you could come out and support me through this heartbreaking time. However, this will not be a service for the dead, but instead, a celebration of life. The life of my iPhone 6.

As many of you know my iPhone was taken from me suddenly. We were on our way to a job interview, the first one I had had since graduating and moving to a new city, driving down the street preparing for a right turn when Siri spoke her last directions.

I know these things happen for a reason, but I just can’t help asking myself, why me?!? I loved and cherished that iPhone like it was my first. It was never thrown across the room (accidentally, or on purpose), nor had it ever felt the bitter taste of asphalt on its smooth screen. And yet, without warning, it abandoned me when I needed it the most.

Some may say that iPhones are just one more piece of Apple technology clogging up our ever-increasing tech-driven life, but I knew better. My iPhone6 is leaving behind many close friends, including the green iPod Nano, who couldn’t be here today because of a family emergency, and of course the TomTom Via5, who was supposed to be taken on the fatal trip, but was forgotten in the garage.

We all wish that the TomTom would have been used instead, especially me. No, I did not get the job I was heading too. Please stop asking me. It is hard enough to land a job post-graduation but being abandoned and so lost that you cannot even find the interview, makes it that much more difficult.

I know many of you will say that I should have taken the deal on new batteries that Apple started offering, but it just felt like a betrayal. To give up on my phone just because it was getting a little old. Sure, it had had a few software updates to keep it running smooth, but who doesn’t need a little work now and then?

Some may call me stubborn, but I thought my iPhone was perfect just the way it was, even if it was starting to lag a bit. My iPhone had been through so much with me, the least I could do was have its back. But, I had too much faith.

I am not saying it was the iPhone’s fault that it died when it did, but maybe if it would have spent a little less time on Pinterest finding new pins for me, and a little more time working on itself, we wouldn’t be here today.

It is always hard to say goodbye, even if there is another phone waiting in the wings to try and fill that void. I know we shouldn’t blame the victim, but it just feels like such a waste. My iPhone had everything going for it. It had a good strong case, it’s screen was in one piece, and it was loved.

My iPhone did live a long and happy life, and luckily, I had it long enough for an upgrade, so I am praying you won’t see me at one of these for a very long time. The iPhone X did just come out and I am sure it will live forever!