Every Possible Explanation For The Scars On The Ripped Male Protagonist’s Back Wordlessly Revealed As He Took Off His Shirt

Michelle Spies
Slackjaw
Published in
2 min readJul 16, 2018

Ah, here we are somewhere in the mid-to late first act of this action thriller, campy horror, or brooding romance film and the sexy, rugged male protagonist has taken off his shirt for some reason. Maybe he was showering or changing or just taking off his shirt to walk around because they do that, but regardless the act has revealed some sizeable scars covering his ripped back.

Yet tragically, we are not given the gift of verbal exposition of the origins of these wounds, and thusly we are hooked for the remaining 2 or 3 acts.

However, if you’re looking to save yourself the time and mental anguish, here is an exhaustive list of explanations for those obviously plot-rich scars on the protagonist’s back.

  • He was a marine
  • He was a marine in a space war
  • They’re from the house fire that claimed his wife and daughter and haunts him daily because he knows it was no accident
  • He got them when he was held captive in in Fallujah and you bet there are frequent flashbacks involved
  • Shark scuffle
  • Nemesis-related activity
  • He was part of some kind of super secret security team, that’s all you know
  • Drunk driving accident and he will never understand why he was the one who got to walk away
  • If you spend your life working with wild animals, you’re bound to come across some that aren’t so friendly
  • This guy gets in a lot of fights
  • Injuries sustained while trying to rescue someone but he failed to do so and he’s never let himself forget it
  • Incision marks from when the doctors turned him into part machine or something
  • Foiled a terrorist plot
  • Unclear, but the Australian outback was somehow involved
  • Zombie-related activity
  • Lash marks, either at the hands of a corrupt dystopian governing force or as a slave
  • Growing up his parent(s) abused him which continues to inform every single one of his emotions and behaviors for the rest of his life
  • Other large marine animal scuffle
  • Just narrowly escaped a famed serial killer’s trap… for now
  • They’re from spy stuff
  • Surfing tragedy
  • Demonic scratches that occurred in a dream yet somehow remained on his skin when he woke up
  • Experimented on by evil doctors
  • A mountain-climbing expedition gone wrong
  • Drug dealer-related activity
  • Accident from childhood that also tells a story about the relationship he had with his dead brother
  • Unclear, but the Alaskan wilderness is somehow involved
  • Initiation ritual
  • A sex thing, probably

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Michelle Spies
Slackjaw

CONTRIBUTING WRITER: @The Onion, HEADLINES @Clickhole. WORK @Rotten Tomatoes. TWEETER: @spies_please | www.michellespies.com