Everything I’m About To Tell You About My Craigslist Roommate Is True
He has a snake…
He has a snake.
He keeps a dead mouse in the freezer, for his snake.
The snake has not eaten in three months.
I have a cat.
My roommate has severe sleep apnea.
Our bedrooms share a wall.
He sleeps from 4pm to 11am.
I know because I cannot sleep at any point during this time.
He does not clean his hair from the shower’s drain.
He has a ponytail.
He does not know how to use a toilet bowl brush.
He does not know paper towel can’t be flushed.
He does not do dishes.
He does not have dishes.
He fills my coffee mug with hot water to thaw his dead mouse.
(When she calls to ask how you like the mug she handcrafted in a make-it-yourself pottery studio, and the answer is your Craigslist roommate has been dangling a frozen mouse into it by the tail, what do you tell your…
