Exactly How We, Your Airbnb Hosts, Will Spend That $900 Cleaning Fee

Alex Baia
Slackjaw
Published in
4 min readMar 6, 2023

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Photo by Filios Sazeides on Unsplash

Hi friend! Thanks for booking our Airbnb, “Robbie and Rose’s Cool NYC Condo Experience.” We are psyched to share our space with you!

We get a ton of questions about the $900 “cleaning fee” for our one-bedroom rental that runs $65 per night. In full transparency, we are messaging you in advance with a COMPLETE breakdown of this fee:

$5 — Windex, 1 Bottle: We make sure your bedroom window that overlooks the dumpster is super clean!

$20 — Steam Cleaning Fee: Simple vacuuming may work for some hosts, however, we do not find it sanitary or acceptable given how often our Airbnb floor gets dirty and stained with sticky stuff. The 4x4 jute area rug beneath your futon will be steam-fresh.

$110 — Derek’s Cleaning Fee: Rose’s little brother Derek does all of our cleaning with care and love. He is a sophomore at NYU, majoring in Film Studies. Although we could hire a professional cleaner to do a small bedroom for $60, we hire Derek for $110 to support his filmmaking journey.

$5 — Box of Organic Mint Tea: We want your room looking great and smelling great. That’s why Derek brews 50 bags of organic mint tea and scatters the tea bags on the floor of your room before you arrive. Also, our steam cleaner is old and leaks some type of milky…

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Alex Baia
Slackjaw

Humor writer, book junkie, stargazer, optimist. Resident philosophy major. Get my humor newsletter: https://alexbaia.com/humor