Fad Diet Awards 2018

Dieting is harder than high school. Just ask these yearbook superlatives.


Keto Diet: Best Clickbait of 2018

Whole 30: Longest 30 Days of Your Life

Atkins Diet: Most Likely to Produce Chemtrails of Meat Gas

Fruitarian Diet: Most Likely to Produce Chemtrails of Fruit Gas

Vegan Diet: Most Likely to End This Friendship If You Don’t STFU About It!

Cabbage Soup Diet: Best for Rabbits with Opposable Thumbs Who Have Been On a Soup Kick Lately

The Beer and Sausage Diet: Best for Hiding Budding Bi-Curiosity Behind the Heteronormativity of Artisanal Craft Beer & Edible Phalli

The Vinegar Diet: Most Likely to Turn You Into a Pickle

The Starbucks Diet: Worst Way to Wind Up $10K in Debt With a Weird Leg-Shaking Tic

The Cocaine Diet: Best Way to Wind Up $100K in Debt With a Felony Mail Theft Conviction

The Cigarette Diet: Best for Looking Like Cool-Ass Camel; Worst for Resulting in a Stoma

The Tapeworm Diet: Worst Sexing Up of Dire 3rd World Circumstances in the Name of Thinspo

The Slimming Soap Diet: Most Embarrassing Cause of Death

The Cotton Ball Diet: Most Likely to Knit Your Bowel Movements Into a Never-Ending Fecal Scarf

The Postmodern French Literature Diet: Most Likely to Earn You the Epithet “Pretentious Prick”

The Fake News Diet: Best Toppling of Democracy & Western Order by Racist Bloggers

Moderate Food Intake & Exercise Diet: Least Likely to Succeed