Get Back To Nature With The “Walden” App
Grover’s Mill, NJ — Yoyodyne Diversions, Inc. — a subsidiary of AMIC — is proud to announce the Walden app, state-of-the-art immersive software that makes it easy to escape from modernity with a range of pricing tiers.
Based on the exploits of naturalist Henry David Thoreau, the Walden app gives subscribers the freedom to reconnect with raw living through advanced computer coding. Fully VR compatible, users can explore Thoreau’s fanciful world in “Classic Walden,” “Walden In Winter,” and “1845 Boston Nightlife” settings. Industrious subscribers can enjoy Thoreau’s favorite back-breaking chores, such as hoeing, churning butter, and customizing a clapboard cabin while the app admonishes them for being prideful.
The app comes fully loaded with:
- Palaver Chat — Populates a list of dirt trails to deliver private messages by hand;
- Starlight Navigation — Provides a map of constellations to encourage the user to rely on the world around them;
- Horse and Buggy Mode — Turns off wireless features while traveling to market to avoid spooking thine nag
(These and other standard features are available to all subscribers, but special banner offers from Patagonia and REI are reserved for the free level.)
Users looking to gain financial independence can track their expenses in 1845 dollars and shrewdly invest in skins like Back to Nature Thoreau, Smoking-Jacket-and-Fez Thoreau, and Outer Space Thoreau. Successfully attaining budgetary goals gives subscribers the chance to win a rare Walt Whitman avatar.
The app’s music and sound effects were composed by Providence and captured by Yoyodyne’s “Architects of Ambiance,” who travel around the world building mammoth recording studios in formerly pristine sylvan areas. Platinum-level users can commemorate their proxy retreat from civilization by inputting their name, address, and optional Social Security number for off-the-clock Architects to carve into limited edition nearby trees.
“It’s not enough to immortalize Walden as a frequently-updated app,” said Yoyodyne Diversions CEO, John Walthrop. “We want it to be there for the future. Particularly next quarter when we plan to offer one lucky user an all-expenses-paid stay in [Henry David] Thoreau’s cabin.”
To this end, Yoyodyne Diversions has pledged to donate .001% of every third in-app purchase to the Walden Woods Project, to aid in the preservation of the historic site.
