Glassdoor.com, You Don’t Fucking Know Me

Get your line graph out of my sight.

Katherine Karaus
May 30 · 2 min read

What the fuck is this.

I’m sorry. Say that again?

Oh. You think my worth is decreasing. And you have a line graph to prove it.

Can’t argue with that.

You crunched the numbers, and the numbers show I’m trending down. Just, overall down. The data people did secret data magic in the data war room and they’ve got the answer: I suck slightly more than I did 6 months ago.

Helpful feedback! Thanks for sharing your candid thoughts.

I have a few questions about this, if you don’t mind.

Did you finally realize I turned 30 last year?

Look. I can no longer be classified as a spring chicken. I have many fewer fucks to give. Almost none!

It’s strange that you’re only now catching up to that fact, but this is only fair. I should be paid according to my youth and beauty, not my intellectual abilities.

Have you been talking to my abusive boyfriend?

I know, I know, I know.

I never should have worn that top. It was too slutty. Now everyone knows that I put out and my Total Worth as a Human line graph is simply reflecting that fact.

It’s my own fault. God, I’m sorry, I’ll never do it again. Please forgive me.

Should I give the money back?

I’m just trying to figure out the right thing to do here. I mean, God, I’ve been swindling people this whole time. Did they know my value was going down the more experience I gained?!

Really on my Services page I should have a stock ticker that adjusts my rates according to your not-at-all-bullshit REAL TIME ASSESSMENT of my value.

It’ll be great! Like a game! My clients probably love day trading, they’d also love watching the graph to find the exact right moment to buy some words from me.

This is really good business.

Anyway. Joke’s on you!

My market worth as a UX writer is fully dependent on identifying when interfaces are being assholes.

Ding ding ding!

Slackjaw

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Katherine Karaus

Written by

UX Writer + Copywriter📱| I help tech companies tell crystal-clear product stories.💎 | Cat mom. 🐱| Outspoken woman. 🧙‍♀️

Slackjaw

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