Good News! South By Southwest Is Back On After Beth Graciously Offered Up Her Three Bedroom Ranch-Style Home

Jacob Kaplan
Slackjaw
Published in
3 min readMar 11, 2020
pixabay.com

Dear South by Southwest ticket holders,

Greetings from the SXSW Events Committee! On Friday, we announced that public health concerns have forced us to cancel Austin, Texas’ beloved festival of music, technology, and film. We were devastated. However, we are thrilled to announce that the show will go on. Beth Deverly, a fellow Austinite, has graciously allowed us to use her three bedroom ranch-style home as the new site of South By Southwest!

It’s gonna be epic. Beth is a 58-year-old substitute teacher who loves dogs, Bonnie Raitt, and helping her community. Beth calls Austin home, though her house is approximately two hours outside the city. Both her kids are in college, so she’s delighted to have the company. “Just as long as they remember it’s a shoes-off house!”

For decades, South by Southwest has helped launch some of the world’s top musicians. And this year will be no different. Come watch Lana Del Rey and the Lumineers perform alongside the stars of tomorrow on our main stage: Beth’s living room.

We’ll be rocking from eight o’clock in the morning all the way until eight o’clock in the evening. Beth has asked that you use a coaster if you wish to drink during the concert. (She has a few, but would prefer that you bring your own.) A gentle reminder that Beth’s house is 100% shoes-off, and this includes flip flops and slippers.

For all you cinephiles, we will be proceeding with the legendary SXSW film festival. You’ll be able to see cutting edge work from A24 and a new — deeply unsettling — project by Taika Waititi. A slight difference is that they’ll be shown on Beth’s one television, a 42” plasma screen from 2007. Use of the television is contingent upon Beth finding an HDMI cord that we can hook up to one of our laptops. She says it’s probably in her electronics bin, though!

The screenings will run continuously throughout the day. We will not have use of the TV on Thursday night from 8:30–9:00 because Beth’s husband Gerry needs it to watch Brooklyn Nine-Nine. He would prefer to watch alone.

Once again–and we cannot stress this enough–take off your shoes before entering the property.

We understand that you may have some questions about the capacity of Beth’s house. While the venue is smaller than our usual Austin Convention Center, we are working with Beth to make room for as many guests as possible. Lucky for us, Beth is practically a professional re-organizer; last spring she moved some furniture for her son’s graduation brunch and was able to fit nearly one hundred people! Plus, Beth is confident she can fit even more guests now that her patio is finally finished. Great news for SXSW’s 150,000+ anticipated attendees!

So, to our South by Southwest family, the party is still on. Make sure to give Beth a huge thanks when you see her because she really saved our backs! We can’t wait to see you all next week.

Rock On,

The SXSW Events Committee

Also Beth has threatened to call the whole thing off if she sees someone wearing shoes.

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Jacob Kaplan
Slackjaw

Student at Columbia University | Satire | Improv | Standup | Twitter: @JacobKaplan17