Ground Rules for my MAN COVE

PARTY CENTRAL!

Guys! I finally put the final touches on my Man Cove! That’s right: I’ve hung the rad gas station poster of super-hot babes, set up a weight bench for the little work-out area, and made contact with the mer-people (or, in their tongue, the “Oin’Sídh”), which means it’s ready for some quality MAN time. Just be sure to heed these ground rules, OK dudes?

1. My cove, my rules!
2. Chill vibes only!
3. The only drinks allowed are beer, scotch, and “thalasse aerunn,” a sort of sea-scotch distilled by the mer-folk.
4. No talking about work!
5. No fishing! The Oin’Sídh rightly consider it a violation of their domain!
6. Burp it out, itch that sack, do whatever you gotta do! Comfort is king!
7. No following faerie lights underwater during a full Moon! The faerie-kind resent the mer-folk, and seek to harm their friends, since they dare not risk open war. On full Moons, the barrier between our world and Mag Findargat (the faerie-realm) thins in certain places, like my man cove, and ‘t is best to be one’s guard. Should you find yourself lulled by a pixie’s trickery, call out for Breac-na-Tól’torr, who shall guide you back to safety with his silver-bright trident.
8. No Raiders fans allowed! Unless you pay the beer tax ;)
9. No human women allowed! Once you’ve witnessed the otherworldy beauty of a mermaid, you’ll be forever spoiled, and “real” women will pale in comparison. Mermaid hair sparkles like starlight, and their voices carry the grief & gladness of a hundred human lifetimes. Though we can never truly be together, humans and Oin’Sídh, that makes the brief companionship all the more sweet. I have heard rumors, however, that a human found worthy can cross over to their world, becoming like them and leaving mankind behind. I know not what is required; some tales say bravery, some only true love, and still others whisper of a banshee’s curse. But, for Caoilfhoinn-ní-Lir, I would brave a thousand trials, if it meant I could finally live by her side.
10. Any problem with the rules? Refer back to rule #1!