Haiku For Turning Forty

Poetic verses for midlife curses.

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I woke up in pain
It is possible that I
Hurt myself sleeping

WebMD told me
I have fourteen diseases
Why haven’t I died

Young people listen
To music that does not sound
Even like music

I can’t make new friends
But I’m needing some contact
I’ll talk to my cat

My knee clicks and pops
But I won’t see a doctor
Until I can’t walk

Dating is pure hell
Everyone’s weird on Tinder
I’ll drunk-text my ex

College reunion
I’ll just pretend that I’m dead
If I can’t lose weight

Drink coffee all day
But I’m exhausted until
It’s time to drink wine

I want to eat carbs
The guilt is overwhelming
Fuck it I’m hungry