Hello It Is Me, An S-Corp

Hello humans! I used to be one of you. Now I am an S-Corp. As soon as the new tax bill was signed into law, I signed away my human-ness. Signing things is awesome! It was a fun run being a human. You had a name that someone else gave you and you relied on “intuition” to get by. Now, I am a company! Very fun.

Companies are like people, but without frivolous needs like “food” and “shelter.” It makes sense that I (a company now) get a huge tax cut.

It is fun to be a company! I get to throw holiday parties and I have no AMT! That’s an “alternative minimum tax.” Humans still have to pay it, I don’t!

Companies also get big logos! I didn’t get a logo when I was just a person trying to make ends meet! Now I get a logo and 20% of my individual income is sheltered from taxes. Wow. Being a corporation is great.

You know what the best part is? It all stays in the family! I get to pass down money, since my S-Corp is in a trust or estate, to my little S-corps! Right now, they’re all running around, just doing what little growing S-Corps do. Soon, they’ll be running my S-Corp and it won’t matter that they’re different individuals because we operate under the same pass-through business. They grow up so fast.

Humans need to “use the bathroom” and “dress themselves.” Now with an S-Corp, it’s all “pointless mergers” and “no liability for your business actions” and “casual Fridays.”

Let’s not forget that because we’ve all chosen the life of an S-Corp, it’s tough to be a human in this climate! And, frankly, being a human woman is so overrated. Maybe you should just become an S-Corp. It’s way harder to be a human woman. And you have way less control over your life than an S-Corp does!

I love being an S-Corp. It’s like being at the office all the time! You get cool snacks and drip coffee, but since you don’t really have a staff, you have to buy and make it yourself.

I would love a heart.