Help! I’ve Watched Normani’s Music Video “Motivation” 153 Times And Now I’ve Lost All Motivation
Help! Two seconds into watching Normani’s new music video “Motivation,” I got so excited that I attempted a death drop, which I cannot do but I saw on Pose once and tried to replicate, and I actually fell. I may have injured my spinal cord. I’m not sure yet.
Either way, it was SO worth it! Who needs a spine when you have EYES to stare at this magical music video which is entertaining AF while also challenging society’s ideals for beauty in black women?!
I am in complete awe of Normani and her immense talent, incredible drive and her youth. (There are people born in 1996?! Mind blown.)
Thanks to watching this video, I am now inspired to be a liberated, sexual being! I wanna dance in the rain in a sequined, two-piece skirt like Normani does at 2 minutes and 51 seconds in the video, but it’s currently 97 degrees outside my window with no rain in sight. Also, I’m in immense pain from the waist down.
But like Normani says, “GET THE HELL UP YOU BASIC BITCH!! DO YOU WANT TO BE FIERCE LIKE ME OR FOREVER SCARED THAT YOUR LEGS WON’T WORK AGAIN?!” (She never said that.)
Ahhh! Watching this video makes me feel good about life again! Beautiful dark skinned woman being the STAR of her own music video? CHECK. Inspiring millions of little brown girls? CHECK. Me having health insurance for the year 2020? NOPE!!!
Shit. Maybe I should go on Healthcare.gov or…
NOPE! LET’S IGNORE MY REAL LIFE PROBLEMS AND WATCH SOME MORE “MOTIVATION” INSTEAD!
My favorite pastime is now changed to watching “Motivation” while eating a big vat of whatever supermarket ice cream hasn’t been licked by a stranger and forgetting all of my problems!
But wait! If I do that, I won’t ever get my Normani six-pack! I’ll probably need to look my best since I’ll be back on the market soon…
Oh wait, I didn’t tell you?
I told my husband to leave me last night for a chance with Normani! I watched the video and decided he deserves much better than me. Yes, I am fully sabotaging my otherwise completely happy marriage because Normani is a goddess but after watching the video, I am staring down my own inadequacies as a woman. Guys — have you SEEN THIS VIDEO YET?!!
OMG! I GOT AN IDEA!!
Maybe Normani could get ALL Americans health insurance! Before you doubt it, she just did a headstand into a split. She can do ANYTHING.
If I start to seem distracted, don’t mind me, I just put “Motivation” on in the background for some light viewing.
So anyway, what else is going on in the world? Did you guys see the debates? What’d you think when Marianne Williamson — HOLY SHIT NORMANI JUST BOUNCED A BASKETBALL OFF HER ASS!!!!
I swear, you see something new every time you watch it!!
Whew, thank God my boss can’t see how many times I’ve watched this video on the computer or I’d be in — wait, the pure bliss of this video made me forget for 4 minutes that I’m currently unemployed! Whoo-hoo! NORMANI FOR THE WIN AGAIN!!!
But wait, if I don’t have a job, whose computer am I on? Whose house is this? Who are those white people framed on the wall?! THAT’S NOT A SIGNED NORMANI POSTER! No Normani idolization in this home? That, my friend, is the true crime. NOT my breaking and entering.
WHERE IS MY HUSBAND??!!
Oh yeah. I drove him away.
Well, guess it’s just me and “Motivation” for now. Not the worst thing in the world. Now can somebody get me some crutches, a mini skirt and a shit ton of sequins? I’ve got some work to do… before the rain comes.