Here’s How To Overcome Perfectionism — So You Better Not Screw It Up, Moron
Are you a perfectionist seeking to change your ways? Here’s the complete guide to overcoming perfectionism precisely the right way — and remember, if you don’t follow these exact steps, you’re a failure of a human being who will never amount to anything in life. Let’s get started!
Become aware of your thoughts.
Throughout each day, pay attention to your perfectionistic thoughts as they pop into your head (for example: I must slice these cucumbers exactly ½ inch thick or else my family will hate me). Record these thoughts in a journal. Every. Single. One. No exceptions. If you miss recording even one stray thought, you’re automatically doomed to be a slave to perfectionism forever, you incompetent loser. Quick, write that down!
Focus on the positives.
Next time you catch yourself focusing on a thing you hate about yourself (and there are a lot — remember how you only got a 99% on that seventh-grade algebra test?), challenge yourself to identify three of your positive qualities. Actually, three is a huge stretch for you, so let’s make that two. Scratch that, one. What, you really can’t name one measly good thing about yourself? Wow. There’s a reason you think you can’t do anything right. Just sayin’.
