Hey Cat Facebook Group! Do You Think I Should Keep This Cat?

sarah james
Oct 22 · 4 min read

Hey Cat Facebook Group! Finally, the dream happened to me! When I left the house to go to work this morning, I heard a tiny pitiful mew. I crouched under my car and saw this little kitty! He came running right up to me, rubbing his little head on my pants leg and purring like a monster. Unfortunately my girlfriend has told me in no uncertain terms that she hates cats and will be leaving me if I keep him.

I really need an unbiased opinion here, so that’s why I came to this Facebook group of people who love cats so much they want to look at pictures of cats owned by strangers. Let me know whether or not I should keep this cat!

Here is a picture of the cat I found:

Photo by Erik-Jan Leusink on Unsplash

There are lots of pros and cons to keeping this cat. Con: Jenny and I have been together for three years now, and we’ve grown a deep and meaningful connection. She’s an amazing woman, and every day I feel blessed to wake up next to her. Pro: The cat sometimes says meow!

Please help me solve this dilemma!

Here is another picture of him where you can see his soft, tiny paws. Should I throw him out on the street to die, like Jenny wants? I promise Jenny’s great other than this one thing!

Photo by Erik-Jan Leusink on Unsplash

Jenny hasn’t let me name this cat I found, because she says that once I name him I am definitely going to keep him. So instead of a name I’ve been calling him Warhol, after Andy Warhol, my favorite artist. Since he doesn’t have an official name, he doesn’t really have nicknames per se, but I’ve also been calling him Andy, Anderson, Anderson Cat-purr (like Anderson Cooper), Warsie, Wawa, Tiny Precious Furball With The Most Perfect Face And Whiskers, and New Jenny. That last one is a joke!

Wawa has been purring pretty much non-stop since I brought him inside, and is currently snuggled up against my body desperate for warmth. I’m realizing what a powerful thing it is, to earn the trust of an animal. But I’ll sling him back to the snow in a heartbeat, if this Cat Facebook Group tells me Human Jenny is right!

I sensed Whiskers didn’t like the vibe of our house, so I arranged to put it on the market, and I’m looking at something smaller, maybe on the west side, a little closer to town. Of course to afford that neighborhood I’m going to need a fixer upper, but the Property Brothers have recently shown me the benefit of renovations. I haven’t told Jenny about any of this yet but I know she’ll come around when I point out how we can rebuild the townhouse with the custom floor plan of our dreams. However, I’m not so far into things that I can’t tell the Property Brothers to screw off if you all agree with my girlfriend that I should ditch this cat in a Hello Fresh box by the side of the highway and drive away. Let me know!

Here is another picture of the cat I found. New, Better Jenny really has the sweetest eyes you’ve ever seen. I’ve already thrown out every item of clothing I own that doesn’t match his fur. Should I abandon him in a playground during coyote mating season?

Photo by Erik-Jan Leusink on Unsplash

Like I said, I could go either way on keeping this cat. On one hand, I was planning to propose to Regular Jenny at Christmas. It’s funny, I never believed in marriage until I met her. Now all I want to do is stand in front of our friends and families and declare my love for her, promising to be her partner for the rest of our lives. On the other hand, wow, this cat has the goodest tummy!

Cat tax in comments of Warhol sitting in the new suitcase Old Jenny bought to stay with her mom for a few weeks while she figures things out! :)

Slackjaw

Medium humor. Large laughs.

sarah james

Written by

sarah is an editor at slackjaw. her writing has appeared in reductress, splitsider, the toast, and more. thesarahjames.com

Slackjaw

Slackjaw

Medium humor. Large laughs.

Welcome to a place where words matter. On Medium, smart voices and original ideas take center stage - with no ads in sight. Watch
Follow all the topics you care about, and we’ll deliver the best stories for you to your homepage and inbox. Explore
Get unlimited access to the best stories on Medium — and support writers while you’re at it. Just $5/month. Upgrade