Hey Girl, My Spirit Guide Thinks We Should Break Up
It turns out Jupiter’s moons were not aligned at the time of our births
Hey girl. I guess my mind-texts haven’t been getting through to you. (Probably because you never listened to those binaural beats I sent you — the ones that open your Crown Chakra to non-verbal, soul-to-soul communication — but whatevs.)
Last night, during my twelve-hour meditation/silence retreat/psychedelic mushroom trip, my Spirit Guide, Night Nectar, transformed into an entity conceivable to the human mind and told me we should break up.
Night Nectar didn’t mention the binaural beats specifically, but my pulsating sacral chakra tells me the beats are definitely part of the reason she wants our auras to permanently separate, at least in the physical realm.
She also wasn’t too happy about you eating dairy.
Yes, she’s appeared to me in this form before — first, when my pet anaconda passed through to the spirit world, and then again when I had my first tantric orgasm. She looks a lot like Kyle’s marketing intern.
What?
Not to bring it up again, especially since I die to the past every moment and live in the Eternal Now, but you should really try the binaural beats. They let you tap into…
