Hey Jackass, You’re On Mute!

Photo by Chris Montgomery on Unsplash

Ahh, we can’t hear you because you’re on mute. If you want us to know what you’re trying to say then go ahead and unmute yourself. Actually, instead of doing that, maybe you should just start packing up your desk and polishing your resume. Because, let’s be honest, it’s going to be hard for you to come back from the total and absolute embarrassment of this whole mute/unmute thing.

Prior to today’s meeting, we all thought you were a more than capable employee, but now we know the truth: you lack even the most basic of understanding of how sound works and have the intellect of a tree branch. You were on your way to making a partner, but now you’ll be lucky if we let you intern here. We’d have to check with Sage and Morgan, our interns, to see if they’d even be comfortable having someone on their team who doesn’t possess the mental faculties to unmute themselves while on a call. You see, we’ve all been on calls with both Sage and Morgan and they were able to confidently mute and unmute themselves as needed, which we view as something of an expectation around here.

Honestly, this is kind of a challenging situation for all of us as we’ve never had someone screw up quite like this. For that reason, we ask that you please be patient with us as we navigate the murky waters of your colossal blunder. You are our Amerigo Vespucci, only instead of discovering America, you…