Horrible Reasons To Have Kids And What You Can Do Instead
You’re bored.
Consider taking up a hobby. Unlike childrearing, if you get sick of snorkeling after a few months, you will not be legally obligated to snorkel for a minimum of 18 years.
You’re lonely.
Get a cat. Cats are great company. Unlike children, they are quiet, self-cleaning and don’t require potty training.
You’re curious what your child would look like.
There are literally apps that do that now.
Your parents are pressuring you to give them a grandchild.
Have you tried giving them a combination blender/food processor? I mean, that thing blends AND processes!
All your friends are having kids.
Are these the same friends whose motto is “It’s five o’clock somewhere,” and who pressured you to join their multi-level marketing scheme?
You need someone to care for you in your old age.
Here’s hoping your child doesn’t drop out of art school to become a canine fashion consultant. I suggest going back in time to invest in bitcoin.
You would like a playmate for your existing child.
Determine why no one wants to play with your kid. Show them why drawing pictures of knives and eating their own scabs might not be the best way to win friends.
You crave all those likes and follows on social media.
Your kid may be cute clickbait until they turn 18 and sue you for using their image without consent. Instead, post more photos of yourself doing squats in your gym clothes.
You want a best friend.
Your child will most likely spend a good twenty years deeply resenting you, if not outright hating you. Invite your coworker for a drink, or take your neighbor to a concert.
You have an urge to nurture something.
Perhaps start with a succulent garden and see how it goes.
You’re tired of your piles of extra cash and nights of blissful, uninterrupted sleep.
Please go to your nearest emergency room and tell them you’re having a psychotic break.
