How Many Times Does The Barista Have To Say, “That’s Our Gruyère-Pesto Scone”?
[Customer, pointing to the pastry case] What’s that?
[Barista] That’s our gruyère-pesto scone, sir.
What’s in it?
Gruyère, an Alpine cheese that’s sweet and slightly nutty and the most popular Swiss cheese in Europe, and pesto, which is traditionally Genovese and made of garlic, pine nuts, basil leaves, and Parmigiano-Reggiano. That’s our gruyère-pesto scone.
[Customer considers] Do I like gruyère?
Would you mind stepping aside while you decide? As you can see, there’s a line behind you. It’s for this. Our gruyère-pesto scone.
[Next customer, deep in thought] Is your gruyère-pesto scone made with pesto?
Yes. Pesto is an important ingredient in our gruyère and pesto scone!
Gruyère with pesto? Kind of an odd flavor profile?
Well, Boston Magazine just voted it the Best of Boston scone. That’s why there’s a line out the door. It’s for this. It’s for our very popular gruyère-pesto scone.
Hunh. Well. [To the people waiting in line] Sorry to hold up the line, folks! [Whispers to barista] Pesto just is too garlicy for me. Just a coffee, black.
[Next customer, pointing] Is that “The Scone”?
Yes, that’s it, that’s our gruyère-pesto scone! Can I get you one?
[Considering] It’s not as golden-brown in person as it was in the photo in Boston Magazine. I thought it would look more, more, since, you know — it won an award.
I’m sorry, ma’am. Gruyère is a pale cheese.
Did they use a filter in the Boston Magazine photo? You know how media is. With the lies. In print, the scone looked super golden. In person, it doesn’t.
Gruyère is just a pale cheese, ma’am. I’m sorry. I’ll bring it up with the pastry chef. I’ll bring it up with Switzerland. Do you mind stepping aside, so I can help the next customer? As you can see the line is growing.
[Next customer. Pointing to The Scone.] So, this is the “best” of Boston?
Yes, that’s our gruyère-pesto scone. Right out of the oven. Still warm. The Best of Boston scone.
I’ll tell you if it’s the best. [Customer takes a bite, holding up the line, the line that’s snaking out the door and down the street.] Hmmm. It’s pretty good. I don’t know if it deserves “Best of Boston.” [Considers.] Gee, though, it really grows on you. What’s that flavor combination? It’s surprising!
Gruyère-pesto. That’s our gruyère-pesto scone.
What’s “gruyère”?
It’s an Alpine cheese. It’s sweet and slightly nutty and the most popular Swiss cheese in Europe, sir.
Ah. [Customer, happily suspicious] DO I DETECT PINE NUT?
Yes, sir! Our gruyère-pesto scone is made with pesto, which is traditionally Genovese and made of garlic, pine nuts, basil leaves, and Parmigiano-Reggiano. You have great taste buds!
I thought so. You don’t see pine nuts used so much these days. Lesser bakeries substitute walnuts. Or omit the nut component of pesto entirely. That changes the texture and renders it non-authentic. It therefore cannot be called traditional Genovese pesto, did you know that?
Yes! It’s required knowledge for gruyère-pesto scone-selling.
Give me two dozen.
Awesome! Two dozen gruyère-pesto scones for the pine nut lover! Next customer! Sorry for the wait, as you can see we’re really busy today. How can I help you?
[Customer, angry, pointing to the pastry case] I’ve waited in this line for 45 minutes and you don’t have any kougin amann?
?
How can you not know kougin amann? Croissant-ish pastry from Brittany? KOUIGN AMANN.
[Barista, placating] Well, the pastry traditions of Northwestern France are great! But you know what else you might like? [The slightest of beats] That. [Pointing to the scone.] That’s our gruyère-pesto scone.
[Customer, dumbfounded] There’s a line out the door and down the street? For a scone?
It’s made with gruyère, an Alpine cheese which is sweet and slightly nutty and the most popular Swiss cheese in Europe, and pesto, which is a traditionally Genov —
[Stops barista mid sentence] I know what pesto is. I’m not an imbicile.
Would you like a sample of our gruyère-pesto scone that so many hundreds of people like in the greater Boston area love that I talk about it literally all day and that doing so pays down my college debt?
Sure, why not? [Tries it. Smiles.] Mmmm. Wow. [Savors] That’s really good.
[A long beat]
[Totally elongated beat]
What did you say this was?
That is [Small voice. The voice of the English major saddled with debt by a selective Boston-area school, perhaps Tufts]… That is [smallest voice ever, barely audible] our gruyère-pesto scone
sir.
