How to Convince Your Friend that Feet Exist
The only guide you need to persuade someone that feet exist!
So, you need to borrow money from a friend for a great pair of shoes. But showing that you need the shoes requires convincing your friend that feet exist. My guide will show you how to persuade him in 5 simple steps:
1. Plant the seed in his mind:
First, you need to psychologically prime your friend to consider feet’s existence. Start wearing gloves and carrying socks with you all the time.
When you meet him, take the gloves off in front of his face, revealing the hands underneath. Now, take out the socks from your pocket and wave them back and forth like a pendulum.
The subconscious part of his mind will be making connections: just as gloves imply the existence of hands, so do socks imply the existence of feet.
Allude to feet in other ways too. Refer to socks as “deflated feet.” Hands should be called “The Poor Man’s Feet.” Trouser pockets should be called “blocked portals with feet on the other side.”
2. Appeal to your friend’s fears:
Next, you need to give your friend an emotional reason to change his view.
Is he afraid of falling from heights? Point out that without feet, keeping himself from toppling over is difficult. His need to feel safe will push him to accept that feet exist.
Is he self-conscious? “Bro, your feet stink. I hope. Because otherwise, you do.”
The trick is making him want to believe that feet exist because the alternatives are too uncomfortable to accept.
3. Reason with him:
The stage is set for a logical argument.
It’s easy to point to the mythical Yeti’s footprints as proof of feet’s existence.
The real difficulty, however, is in debunking your friend’s reasons for doubting them. Be prepared to tackle the two most common arguments against the idea of feet:
If feet exist, then why do skinny jeans taper instead of widening at the bottom for feet to pass through more easily?
Answer: Clothes build your image, and having smaller openings for the feet sell you as a go-getter who does not back down from a challenge.
Why do players grab and throw the ball in FOOTball if it can be kicked?
Answer: Promising football and then showing the ball carried by hands and arms adds a twist to delight viewers and keep things unpredictable.
The idea is to provide logical answers for the questions that hold a person back from accepting that feet exist.
4. Show photographs:
Finally, it’s time to give your friend photographic evidence of feet.
Set your camera to take pictures while you do a handstand and walk on your hands. Flip the photos upside-down and in Photoshop, cut-and-paste your head from your neck to your buttocks. Now it looks as if you were walking on feet all along.
Show this “picture evidence” of feet’s existence to your friend. If he notices the lack of a neck between your buttocks and head, point out that’s precisely why you want to borrow money for SHOES, and not for necklaces.
5. Have a backup plan:
Even the best-laid plans sometimes go awry. Maybe your friend comes up with an argument you can’t handle. Or maybe he has trust issues and starts wondering if you faked the photographic evidence.
This is where your new habit of wearing gloves everywhere helps. Like a lizard drops its tail, drop a glove. While your friend is bewildered at how you detached your “hand,” slip away. If stealth video games have taught me anything, you can return a few seconds after staying out of sight, and restart the conversation all over again with zero consequences.
