How To Die Mysterious
It was no accident
1. Leave a substantial sum of money to Seneca in your will.
Who is Seneca? A secret child? A lover who spurned you? Are you really enamored with the ancient philosopher? Or maybe Seneca Falls? Perhaps you’re obsessed with female suffrage? These are just some of the questions people will ask themselves.
2. Place well-worn copies of 100 Years of Solitude and The Devil Wears Prada, respectively, side by side under your pillow.
Go through each book and highlight phrases at random. Use different-colored highlighters. Dog-ear 15 pages in total in each book. People will wonder, Was this page important? Semi-important? Was this deliberate? Why these two particular books??
3. Request to be buried “in full regalia.”
What kind of regalia? You weren’t royalty, so what are you talking about? (Were you really royalty? They’ll never know.)
4. Prior to death, display a sepia-toned photograph of an old woman prominently on your fireplace mantle so when people come to your wake or shiva, they’ll wonder who she is.
Important: this should not, under any circumstances, be a relative, friend, or acquaintance.
5. Hire an actor to place yellow roses at your gravesite on the day of the funeral and…
