How To Pick Up Girls According To Your Dentist
Listen, I know I’m here to clean your teeth, but Nurse Stacey was talking about how you just can’t seem to find a girlfriend.
Back in dentistry school, I had a couple go-to moves that all the lady grad students couldn’t resist! You wanna hear them? I’m gonna take that gurgling as a yes!
The Clothes
The first thing ladies look for is the outfit, and let me tell you, nothing works better than an all white ensemble. Maybe some flashes of pink here and there, just to accent what you’re working with. It always looks real sharp under the harsh white light too, and believe me, chicks dig a guy who takes scrubs and medical gloves from day to night.
Pick Up Lines
This is going to be your bread and butter (go easy on the salty stuff.)
“Can I buy you a shot? Because from the looks of it, you should invest your next paycheck towards seeing your dentist. Me.”
“Are you from Tennessee? That would explain the wearing of your enamel. Tennessee barbecue is known for its harsh acidic vinegar. Want me to take a look? I’m actually a dentist.”
“Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Because you seem to have a chip in your upper right bicuspid, and I would think about getting that looked at by me, the youngest graduate of the Harvard School of Dental Medicine.”
“You’re so sweet, you’re giving me cavities! Just kidding. I’ve never had a cavity. I’m actually a very accomplished dentist with my own practice.”
“Your dental chair or mine?” (I used this one on my wife in school, and we’ve been married ever since!)
Date Ideas
Now that she’s all up in your grill, it’s time to take her on the perfect date! The most important (go ahead and spit please) thing to consider is the location, and no place gets the sparks flying like the dental office! Just set up shop in the lobby and make sure you pick the right flick, like “Marathon Man,” “Jaws,” “Horrible Bosses,” “The Dentist,” “The Dentist 2,” “The Secret Life of Dentists,” and related titles. Heck, I can even let ya watch Mrs. Abernathy’s double root canal from last May — talk about sensual.
Now I know you’re looking for that big kiss to end the night, but I recommend a little research before you lean in. For example, put your arm around her waist, pull her close, and ask “Is your toothpaste endorsed by the American Dental Association? Non-approved products tend to make my gums swell up.”
Finally, before you part ways, seal the deal by sliding over an appointment card, followed with “I’d normally say 6 months, but I’d like to see YOU next week.”
Well, sport, that about covers it! Just remember: if she won’t floss, don’t hold that loss. I’ll see you in six months!
Whoa, awesome! Follow Slackjaw on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and get our best stories once a month by email.
