How To Run A Half Marathon With A Full Bladder
You’re waiting to begin a Half-Marathon into the rolling countryside. As soon as it starts, your nerves make your bladder inflate like a water balloon at the end of a fire hose. The crowd of cheering people sweep you along as you’re wracked with agony. What do you do, Chuckles? Where is your God now?
Your family waves signs and gazes on with hope. Daddy finally unwrapped his pasty hands from the Xbox controller and took the Doctor’s exercise orders seriously. Maybe he won’t be a total failure as a father anymore.
Are you seriously going to piss your pants in front of them? Shame on you!
No problem, you say! I’ll just stop at a Port-a-Potty or duck behind a tree. Riddle solved, Rumplestilskin. Next question!
Do you have the arrogance to think they put portable bathrooms 20 feet into a 13.1-mile road race? Ha! Normal humans don’t release their anxiety into their nether-regions, so you’ve got at least 7 miles ahead of you without any hope of private release.
Go back? This is your last straw, man! You paid fifty bucks to run this stupid race, Deborah is going to leave you if you keep up these shenanigans!
That leaves public urination. You’re going to end up on a watch-list if you pull that crap. Show some dignity, you pervert!
