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How To Talk To A New Mom

Pat her head and tell her it’s totally OK to be hormonal.

If You Are Her Partner

Be casual. Ignore how she’s deep lunging around the coffee table and crying louder than the baby. Ask how her day went. When she stares back at you in Tuesday’s pajamas, say “Nevermind, jeez.” Crack open a cold one and plop down on the couch. Cross your ankles on…



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Nikki Campo

Essays and humor. The New York Times, The Washington Post, McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, Good Housekeeping, The Belladonna, Slackjaw. Twitter: @nikkicampo.