Working from home has become a regular part of the American business landscape, and there are an abundance of books and articles dealing with how to establish an efficient work practice from where you live.
Few however have provided effective guidance for successfully working from home when Godzilla attacks. That is, few until now.
The cardinal rule for working from home or apartment is to set up a separate area for sleep and a separate area for work. That way if Godzilla mauls you while in bed, your work will not be affected. Otherwise you must be scrupulously prepared for the possibility that Godzilla may attack at any time and disrupt your daily workflow.
Get in the habit of watching the local news regularly; the morning weather or traffic person will often provide Godzilla sightings and updates, especially when he’s known to be in New Jersey or closer.
There are also a number of Godzilla warning apps you can get for your I-phone or Samsung Galaxy which feature famed actor Alec Baldwin speaking the words “Now, Tokyo has no defense!” customized for your city or municipality.
When organizing your work assignments for the next day, always factor in the risk that Godzilla may attack. Every to-do list should at the very least contain:
- Wear asbestos suit.
- Check level of Oxygen Destroying Tablets.
- Organize survivors into cave-dwelling foraging community to begin civilization anew (if applicable).
Another important rule:
If you are skyping with co-workers and you hear anguished screams and see jetties of blood spurting across your computer monitor, it’s likely the corporate office has been demolished and your co-workers digested or decapitated. Check with other locations of the company to see if colleagues are available there to pick up the slack and work remotely with you on current projects.
Even when you have a very busy schedule, it is important to take regular breaks. Go out and meet a friend, take a nice walk, or give badly-needed blood at the nearest makeshift clinic. A bit of me-time will help you fight off the kind of afternoon letdown that makes you want to nap, which can be a notorious time waster especially on a day that you are already behind schedule due to a murderous Godzilla rampage.
What do you do if Godzilla should poke his face right into the window where you are working?
Plan A: Sometimes Godzilla actually turns out to be a man in a lizard suit. Look for a zipper around his neck and if you find it, try to unzip it.
Plan B: If Godzilla bares his teeth and they are sharp and menacing, forget the zipper. Pack up your essential devices, scurry down the steps of your building and out into the street, raise your arm upward, point, and shout:
This is de rigueur.
Then find a Starbucks. They’re never very far away, and provided you order a cappuccino or espresso you can tap into their free WIFI, set up a home-away-from-home office, and stay there all day. (Exceptions may apply.)
By now U.S. Air Force jets have hopefully blasted Godzilla back into the sea, so with a bit of perseverance you may make up any time lost and still wrap up by 5:30 or 6:00. Once you have neatly crossed every item off your to-do list, sign off for the day, pack up all your equipment and devices and head home at last.
Assuming there is a home to head home to.