Howdy, Ma’am! I’m Wyatt Carson, Shoe Breaker
Yep, I’ll break in them pumps for ya, tenderfoot.
Howdy, ma’am! Couldn’t help noticing you hobblin’ down the street in those mighty fine pumps. Manolo Blahnik, am I right? Thought so. I know my shoes, especially stylish, painful lookin’ ones like those. Yep, real beauties, all right. Are they new? Had ’em for over a week, huh? And they’re still kickin’ up all that fuss? Sheeet.
Well, girl, looks like I came along at the right time. I’m Wyatt Carson outta Montgomery, Texas. I used to work on a dude ranch breakin’ horses. Yep, I was the best dang bronc buster in the whole U-nited States. I could train a wild mustang to fetch a newspaper and lay it down at your feet, then butter yer toast.
Turns out I have a special way with shoes, too. Back on the ranch, I was known as the Boot Whisperer. I could have those fancy spikes broken in and nuzzlin’ yer doggies faster than you can say hammertoe!
I see you’re starin’ at my feet, all skep-tical like. Yep, I do have unusually large hooves. You may be wonderin’, ‘How is that ol’ boy gonna squeeze them size fourteen canoes into my itty-bitty shoes?’ Ma’am, I can assure you that you’re lookin’ at the most talented tootsies to ever saunter on down 5th Avenue. I can work my feet into such a state of re-lax-ation, they’ll flow…
