I Am A Mad Scientist, And I Am Begging You To Just Trust Scientists
I have a white coat and a closet filled with toxic chemicals, that’s why.
Science has given the world so many wonderful gifts, but sadly not everyone trusts it as fervently as they should. As a scientist who has seen his own share of controversy, I feel compelled to spread a simple message: give us 100% of your trust! You won’t regret it.
By now, the anti-science playbook is all-too familiar. Activists come for our reputations, calling us “mad,” or “twisted,” or “genuinely and truly evil.” They pass laws that restrict our access to conjoined twins. Then, worst of all, they go after our funding. But you can’t take my money away, it’s in escrow in Belgium, assholes!
Why trust science? It comes down to a choice. Do you believe some guy who tells a nice story, even if he has no evidence? Or do you believe the guy that performed the first successful ass transplant on an alpaca? What if I told you it was that first guy’s ass and my alpaca?
An alternative answer to the question — why trust science? — is that you have no choice, because I am running an experiment using the city’s water supply, and only I have the antidote.
