I Am Moving To New York City To Pursue Crying Full Time
I have big dreams and even bigger tears.
Many have asked why I am moving this year and it’s time I finally shared my plans. This spring I’m taking my talents to New York City to make it as a full time crier.
Call it a mix of genetics (my mother used to sit in the living room and cry while listening to “Time to Say Goodbye” by Andrea Bocelli), astrology (Pisces moon), or conditioning (I developed learned helplessness early on), but I’ve always had a talent for crying. One of my earliest memories at age 4 was weeping over coming in last place in bowling behind my parents and siblings who objectively had better motor skills than me. From that moment on, I was hooked.
I began outpacing my peers immediately, crying during piano lessons, kindly delivered feedback about my softball underhand pitch, and not winning a school raffle drawing with over 300 participants. Where my peers saw easily overcomeable hurdles, I saw opportunities to dig deep and bawl my eyes out.
Over the last few years I had a day job as a digital marketing specialist. I would spend my days in the office and nights sniveling over things like the wholesomeness of children’s cartoons (it’s like they made Bluey to heal adult trauma, not to entertain children!). This time was valuable in speeding up my tear duct…
