I Am The Year 2021 And The Big Expectations Are Giving Me Anxiety
When I was given the job of being Gregory 2021 AD, the burden was already huge. I come from a long family of successful years. My Grandpa was Gregory 2000. The New Millennium. Everyone thought the world would end, but Pa proved them wrong.
To be frank, I never really wanted to be a year. I was pressured into the family business. I was happy to be a long weekend — maybe Thanksgiving or, at a stretch, the month of May. But a whole year? That is so much pressure. 365 days of non-stop focus.
I wasn’t prepared for the shit show I would inherit. I mean, having to follow my big brother, Gregory 2020? C’mon. Everyone expects me to be the best year ever. A vaccine. A new president. No celebrity deaths.
Brother 2020 was angry, disorganized, and unpredictable. He had a massive chip on his shoulder. His vengeance knew no bounds. I bet he did everything just to spite me, just like how he used to shove my face in the dirt when we were kids.
I know the handover is going to be just awful. Who knows if he’ll even give me a proper one? Maybe he won’t accept that his time is over. Maybe he’ll ask for a redo. He does love the spotlight. How the hell am I supposed to handle that? They don’t teach you that at Calendar College.
Everyone is saying they can’t wait for 2021. But I’m a novice! I’ve never done this before. What if I can’t make things better? What if Trump is still in power? I can’t vote! I’m just a year. There’s so much pressure to reverse course, and I don’t even know when the vaccine will be finished, or if there’ll be time to distribute it wide enough so that it makes a difference during my tenure. But I do know that I’ll get the blame.
I can hear it now: 2021 is such a letdown. We really expected more.
And I’m still single. I’ve heard all the jokes. Gregory 2021, how can you be single when you’re full of dates? Haha. Gregory 2021 will always be alone.
Maybe I can call in sick. Maybe I can somehow get 2019 to sneeze on me and we can skip a year. Can we introduce a Leap Year? That’d be great. Roll right into 2022 and let someone else in the family handle 2021. That’s it! I’m going to look through the Calendar Constitution and lobby for a Leap Year. I’ll be the first-ever leap year in history. That’s the way to be remembered.