I Don’t Celebrate Halloween, I Just Like To Give Out Candy While Dressed In Costume
Halloween’s not really my thing. I’m a religious, non-satan worshiper so I’m against doing anything related to the holiday. That’s why, when October 31st comes around, I just pretend it’s a regular day where I just so happen to give out candy to anyone who asks.
I’m not trick or treating. I’m generously giving to the needy. Of course, if you knock on my door, I might first try to turn you away with some evil cackling. And yeah, I might jump out at you in full ghoul costume. It’s just my go-to outfit for scaring solicitors, but generally, I only don it on the last day of October.
I also refuse to purchase devilish images distributed to the masses by the candy industry. That’s why the second Reese’s ghost-shaped chocolate hits the shelves, I buy them out. And to shield my molars from all the sugar I won’t be eating, I pop in my vampire teeth.
Around this time of the year, it’s really hard to ignore Halloween. The decorations are everywhere. So to prevent myself from looking at anything that may taint my pure soul, I like to wear one of those Ghostface masks for the entire Fall season. Another thing I do to distract myself from all the stores selling orange and black products is: I flee to the farthest pumpkin patch. Then, I affirm my unwavering faith in…
