I Don’t Need Talent, I Network
As I look around at all of you trying to rise up the corporate ranks through hard work and dedication, I can’t help but shake my head. Don’t you people realize that doing actual work is much less important than your ability to talk about doing actual work? While you’re out there working your 9–5, arriving early and staying late to appease the proverbial “man,” I’m networking, giving high fives as I place several small cookies on a napkin while at some afternoon luncheon. Talent? I don’t need talent. I network.
You’re making coffee in the breakroom while your co-worker Jan is droning on about her dog being afraid during a storm, while I’m networking and making connections on my way to being the top dog and taking the industry by storm. You take the elevator to your 4th floor cubicle everyday, I give elevator pitches to local politicians that, for lack of a better word, slay. I don’t need talent or tangible skills, which is fortunate because I don’t have talent or tangible skills, unless you count connecting with someone on LinkedIn freakishly fast. Am I working hard or hardly working? Um, how about neither! I’m networking hard and smartly smirking as I attend some Gala for a cause I don’t even fully understand.
So what do I do for a living? Oh, nothing much really. I’ve just climbed the corporate ladder faster than a fireman trying to save a child from a smoldering…
