I Have 482 Brothers and That’s Why I Know How to Fix Your Sink
It’s really the only explanation.
Hey, it’s me, the girl next door who spends most of her time tying her flannel shirt into a knot. I heard your sink was broken, and you may think being a female and fixing a sink are two things that don’t go together, but lucky for me I’ve had some male role models in my life to help show me the ropes. I’ll have this sink fixed faster than Michael Bay punches out Transformers movies. Yeah, I’ve seen those movies, along with plenty of other movies that don’t include a makeover montage or a protagonist named Sandra. What can I say? I have 482 brothers. Now, where’s that sink?
My dad wanted a boy, but when my mom had me I was a big surprise. Pops wanted another son for an even 240, but I guess I ruined that streak. Instead he raised me as a boy and here I am. It’s true: I can hammer a nail and throw a football. What can I say? I have 482 brothers. Do you have a #2 Phillips?
Yeah, that’ll work. What’s that? Oh no, I don’t think having 482 brothers is too much. It’s actually given me quite an advantage. The more brothers I have, the more male-gendered knowledge I acquire. By the time we had my 385th brother Jeremy, I knew how to jump start a car and change a tire. It’s kind of like CODPoints, the universal currency you earn and exchange for equipment in Call of Duty, which I have played before. What can I say? I have 482 brothers.
Ah-ha! I found the problem. The cause of the low water pressure is from a build-up of a deposits on your faucet aerators. All you have to do is unscrew the aerator and soak it in some vinegar for about 12 hours and you should be good to go.
This is usually the part where my dad or any male figure around me says “good job, kid.” It’s the only way for me to know that I did it right. After my 430th brother Andrew was born, I carved the turkey at Thanksgiving and all 430 of them said it to me at the exact same time. Our neighbors thought it was an earthquake. If you could just say that right now I’d feel a lot better about fixing this, despite my extensive knowledge and personal expertise on the matter — thanks.
Well, it looks like I’m about done here. Let me know if you have any more problems or ever need someone to marinate a steak. I’ll probably go home now and hold a beer. I see you have that flat screen there, and I can’t do it now, but my mom’s got triplets on the way so as long as she doesn’t have any daughters I’ll have enough Man Knowledge to help you mount that TV by next week. However, if my mom pops out any Sandras, please feel free to ask one of my 482 brothers and I’m sure they’d be happy to help you out.
