I Like My Men Like I Like My …

Photo by Alex on Unsplash

I like my men like I like my seasonal depression: year-round.

I like my men like I like my grandma: somehow always packing a $2 bill.

I like my men like I like the letter Y: literary, curious, comes at the end of When Harry Met Sally.

I like my men like I like my surrendering armies: no red flags.

I like my men like I like my favorite Jeopardy! clues: potent, potable.

I like my men like I like my IKEA trips: knows to go straight to the downstairs, but never on Saturdays.

I like my men like I like my flies: big eyes, always rubbing his hands together, tiny poops.

I like my men like I like my friend who for some reason mispronounces the word “it” as “it’s”: always saying it like it is.

I like my men like I like my dogs: big enough to scare off the bad guys, but small enough that I can dress him up in fun little sweaters.

I like my men like I like Madonna’s ex-husband trying out comedy: a stand-up Guy.

I like my men like I like my owls: wise, wearing glasses, graduated college.

I like my men like I like my crayons: bright, colorful, smells like crayons.

I like my men like I like my gossamer threads: fine.

I like my men like I like my favorite lifestyle magazines: real simple

I like my men like I like Pi: boring until you add E.

I like my men like I like my free local newspaper: soaking wet, sitting on my lawn, knows where the best deals on milk are.

I like my men like I like my favorite 1984 film, The Neverending Story: accompanied by big fluffy dogs, deep feelings about horses, and also I refuse to think about how the passage of time might affect my enjoyment of either.

I like my men like I like my adults whose favorite book is To Kill a Mockingbird: sweet, earnest, hasn’t actually read a thing since high school.

I like my men like I like my lamps: bright, warm, standing silently in the corner until needed.

I like my men like I like my Instagram boyfriends: implied.