I Quit Drinking Coffee And I’ve Never Felt Better, Except For When I Drank Coffee

Photo by Chris Benson on Unsplash

After years of being a slave to the Maxwell House Industrial Complex, I finally decided to kick my coffee habit to the curb. And you know what? I’ve never felt better! Well, except maybe for the last two decades of my life when I was contently caffeinated and operating at peak levels of efficiency. But aside from that, feeling great!

It’s as if I’ve risen from the coffee grinds a new man, a much calmer — some might even say “alarmingly lethargic” — man. I only wish I would have quit sooner. Not much sooner, mind you, otherwise I never would have made it this far in life, but maybe like a month or two sooner. At least not before I redeemed all my Dunkin’ Rewards.

I’ll admit, it wasn’t easy quitting at first. I was constantly groggy and irritable, I had trouble concentrating on anything for more than a few minutes at a time, and then came the uncontrollable shaking and debilitating migraines. All of which are still an issue, and also I now see a steaming cup of espresso when I look at my wife’s face while making love.

I eventually managed to completely wean myself off over a course of six short months by drinking progressively smaller cups each day. I was down to a thimble by day 180. Oh what I’d give for even half a thimble of Colombian dark roast from my…